For centuries, the news has been the news; but now, in 2017, we have a completely brand new phenomenon, the thing that’s suddenly all the rage – fake news.

Unlike most people, who rail against it, I consider fake news to be a highly welcome change for the stodgy and uptight journalism industry. For too long, newspapers and other media outlets have been handcuffed by the requirement that news stories be factually accurate.

And, while accuracy and factuality unquestionably have their advantages – not to mention a certain pedestrian charm – those requirements also manacle news reporters in extremely confining ways. However, with fake news, stories immediately become much more interesting, there’s zero research required and reporter creativity is allowed to reach new heights.

So all that got me thinking: Why don’t we just stop fighting against fake news and embrace it. As you no doubt realize by now, fake news is all around us and it’s certainly here to stay – and trying to buck that trend is a losing battle. Also, if you can’t beat them, then you know what they say you should do.

So, I am in fact joining them, and this week I decided to just bring you some of the best fake news stories we could find …


Guilford County Jail Meals Go All-organic.

Greensboro Inmates in Guilford County’s two jails, in High Point and Greensboro, got a welcome surprise this week: Starting on Monday, July 10, the two jails have gone all organic.

A new mandate from the Guilford County Sheriff’s Department, which oversees the jails, states that all three daily inmate meals must be free of genetically modified ingredients and be certified organic – with an added requirement that all beef served be from grass-fed cows humanely raised on a family farm. Likewise, farmed fish has been banned from inmate meals; all fish must be line-caught from unpolluted waters.

Guilford County Sherriff BJ Barnes said the idea for the upgraded meals came to him after his wife, Dena, started fixing him all-organic meals at home. The sheriff said he dropped weight, felt great and had a better outlook on life. Not to mention, he added, the food tasted terrific.

“I thought, wow, that was really tasty,” Barnes said, “and then it hit me: Why not make sure inmates get this same quality of food?”

He said the move is expected to cheer up inmates and make what can often be a difficult stay in jail more pleasurable. Barnes said that, in the past, his department has often just looked at the cheapest food options to hold costs down while keeping Guilford County in compliance with a state law that says inmates must receive at least 2,100 calories each day.

“It’s going to be about five times more expensive,” said Barnes, who in the past has been known for his fiscally responsible stances. “But it’s only money, and it’s taxpayer money at that – so there’s plenty more where that came from.”

Both county jails are also bringing in renowned guest chefs to assure that the new high quality foods are prepared properly. It has meant a real upgrade over the usual “three squares” that inmates are used to.

On Tuesday, for instance, inmates were served fresh caught Alaskan salmon with an organic almond crust sautéed in a sweet mulberry-and-mustard-oil glaze. Sides included foie gras and lightly caramelized grilled strips of wild-caught lobster. For dessert, inmates were given dairy-free, gluten-free “truffle delights” made from chocolate from Venezuela’s rare Porcelana Criollo bean, topped with Tahitian Gold vanilla caviar and edible gold flakes.

The jail meals are all being served with a warm brandy and a choice of wines from the Chateau Lafite-Rothschild estate.

Barnes said that, traditionally, both jails have had a no alcohol policy but he added that some of the new meals “just demand to be served with a fine wine or cognac aperitif.”


Greensboro’s News & Record Reports a Story that Occurred in Greensboro.

Wentworth In a fascinating turn of events, the News & Record newspaper, on Tuesday, July 11, covered a story based in Greensboro, North Carolina. The News & Record, which is very well known for its extensive coverage of Rockingham County, said it’s now branching out to cover the Greensboro area, which is why the Tuesday edition of the paper included a news article related to events in Greensboro.

News & Record Editor Daniel P. Finnegan said this week that it was really just an attempt to change things up and keep the paper fresh. He said the newspaper’s executives were curious to know if people in Greensboro would find it interesting to read about things going on in Greensboro or whether they would rather continue to read about Rockingham County.

According to Finnegan, if the experiment is successful, the paper’s readers could see other stories pertaining to Greensboro in the future.

“This is no slight to Rockingham County, the place we usually cover,” he said, “but at a recent editorial meeting we decided – you know what, our offices are here in Greensboro until we move to Winston-Salem soon, so why don’t we look closer to home and cover a story in Greensboro.”

The story that ran was about a series of horrific murders in the first six months of 2017 in Greensboro and on why no one should want to live in Greensboro. It also explains why Greensboro residents would be better off to move to Rockingham County.

Finnegan said that it was his understanding that, years ago, the News & Record regularly covered Greensboro and, in fact, he said, he’d heard that the paper at one time even had “Greensboro” in its name. He added that, at some point, the News & Record covered 11 counties in central North Carolina (not including Guilford County) before deciding to focus exclusively on Rockingham County starting about 10 years ago.

International Civil Rights Center & Museum Announces $3 Million Profit in Quarterly Earnings Statement, Pays off All Loans and Past Due Bills.

Greensboro Representatives of the International Civil Rights Center & Museum, located in downtown Greensboro NC, amazed critics and nearly everyone else on Wednesday, July 12, when jubilant spokesmen for the museum announced that it had turned the corner financially in a very big way.

In the press conference, held in front of the museum at 134 S. Elm St., an ecstatic Earl Jones and Skip Alston, the museum’s founders, reported that visitation numbers were up over 9,000 percent and said the most recent quarterly profit totaled $3.24 million.

The museum founders also announced that the museum is contributing $1 million to the Tanger Center for the Performing Arts in downtown Greensboro, which, like the civil rights museum did at one time, is turning out to cost more than expected.

“We are glad to finally be in a financial position to help the city out,” Alston said at the news conference.


Guilford County Register of Deeds Jeff Thigpen Starts Nation’s First Drive-thru Deeds Service.

Greensboro The same man who put old slave trade records online for easy access, implemented a veterans ID program that allows vets discounts at local businesses and opened a county-run passport office, has announced a new service starting this week: a drive-thru window that lets citizens conduct all their deeds business from their cars.

Guilford County Register of Deeds Jeff Thigpen said he hopes clients of the office enjoy the new service, which will begin in downtown Greensboro and could expand to the High Point deeds office in the coming months.

“I got the idea because we share a building with a bank and banks almost always offer drive-thru service,” he said. “We’ll also be giving away a free toy with each birth certificate or land record and provide a free sucker any time a toddler is in the car.”

Thigpen said he’s also looking into getting ATM-like machines at which people could get land records and other documents by entering their Social Security number on the keypad, though Thigpen said there were still some kinks to be worked out with the new machines that he developed himself in his spare time.

Guilford County Economic Development Leaders Tell Boeing to “take their business elsewhere.”

Greensboro City and county leaders today revealed that Boeing Company, the world’s largest supplier of commercial jets and military aircraft, approached Guilford County with a request to locate Boeing’s new operations at Piedmont Triad International Airport (PTIA), but city and county leaders told Boeing they were not interested. The city and county leaders turned down the project, which would have meant an estimated 12,000 new jobs and $14 billion in new investment in Guilford County.

Boeing officials said they toured the area and “fell in love with it” and unanimously decided that this was the only place for their giant new project. Boeing wanted PTIA to be the site where the company made several fleets of its new 797 Boeing Dreamliners. Boeing also had plans to relocate its Chicago headquarters to Greensboro in 2019, but local leaders also said they did not want that project since it would create a dramatic increase in the demands on city and county services.

Representatives of the Guilford County Economic Development Alliance Business Leadership Advisory Board Council (GCEDABLABC) said that Boeing didn’t request any financial incentives. They said the deal breaker for the county was that Boeing wanted permission to widen a quarter mile stretch of an abandoned county service road, which would have been a direct violation of Guilford County Zoning Statute R-17.352A.

“We told them we don’t care who you are,” one board council member said. “When you are in our county, you play by our rules.”


Health Officials Declare Intersection of Bridford Parkway and West Wendover Avenue a Food Desert.

Greensboro The Guilford County Health Department announced that it is exploring taxpayer-funded programs to address what health officials say is an alarming absence of food options at the Bridford Parkway/West Wendover intersection.

When asked how it could be a food desert given that, within a one-square-mile square area around the intersection there were 49 eateries, 17 groceries stores and 42 big box stores with large produce sections, health officials said that the area still met federal guidelines for what qualifies as a food desert because less than 12 percent of those stores offer red kale.


Flying Car Scientists Finally Deliver Flying Car!

New York In a surprise press conference, the nation’s flying car scientists announced that they have finally completed a low-cost, totally safe flying car that will be in dealerships this week.

“We’ve really had a model ready since the late ’60s,” said Chief Flying Car Scientist Herb Rowe.

He said that they got the flying car working perfectly in 1967, however, he added that there were some issues with the ashtray design that had prevented release of the vehicle until now.