She’s Back

Dear Editor,

Everyone thought it was over. They thought the horror had finally been vanquished and forced into hiding in the deepest, darkest bowels of the earth never to be seen or heard from again. It became a thing used to scare children onto the straight and narrow. It became the subject of light jokes at adult parties with comments like, “You’re still taking that seriously?”

Everyone was at ease, they’re lives returning to normal and things were good. But with no warning, with no sign, it suddenly burst back onto the scene. And it did so with a vengeance.

Mothers dashed into the streets, grabbing up their children, rushing them into the questionable safety of their homes. Men were shaken to their cores, worried about what they could do to protect their families. Local government officials reached deep into the back of the lowest of their desk drawers for long forgotten plans that had been drawn up but thankfully never used.

What horror am I describing? What potential disaster am I predicting? What ancient menace has struck such fear into Americans with the simple phrase, “I’m ready to help any in any way I can”?

It’s the potential return of … (dramatic ominous music welling up} THE HILDABEAST!

That’s right folks, she’s baaaaaack.

May God have mercy on our souls, because she won’t.

Alan Marshall