I was in line at the Regal Grande theater at Friendly the other day to see Mission Impossible and I overheard a couple talking in the line behind me. I was utterly astounded by their conversation: They were in line to buy tickets, but they were only then finding out what was playing and deciding what to see.
They had come to the theater and gotten in line with no idea in the world what they were going to watch – and only then were they looking at what was playing and learning the movie times.
I was just astonished. I have never once in my entire life gone to a theater when I didn’t know exactly what movie I wanted to see and knowing exactly when. The whole reason I am at that theater at that time in the first place is because movie X, Y or Z is playing at time A, B or C.
I came close to turning to the couple behind me and asking: “I’m just curious why you didn’t check and see what was playing before you came here? What if there’s nothing good on? What if the movie you decide you want to see doesn’t start for an hour and a half? In that case, do you just wait around sipping on $10 Cokes? Do you drive to another theater? Or what?”
I didn’t turn around and say anything, but that started me thinking about how vastly different people are and thinking about how there are all sorts of things other people do in this world that I have absolutely no understanding of whatsoever.
And, so, lately I’ve been thinking about all those people and their actions, and about the fact that, despite trying my best, I have no idea what they’re thinking or why they’re doing what they do.
So that’s how we got to this week’s column. And now, with no further to do, here is just a small sampling of the people who completely baffle me …
Ñ People who get face tattoos. I don’t have any tattoos; I don’t like them; no one in my immediate family has them, nor would we ever get them. (Also, I consider Ray Bradbury’s Illustrated Man one of the most unsettling stories ever written.)
I have spent all day every day of my entire life trying to avoid making any irreversible decisions or mistakes. (A constant nightmare I have is that I have accidentally killed someone or done something else major that can’t ever be undone.) So, for the life of me, I have no idea in the world why anyone would voluntarily do something that could never be undone.
I got married once and I managed to undo even that mistake – I’m just lucky that my marriage was only a marriage and not a tattoo so I was still able to fix it.
As confusing as I find tattoos in general, the thing that really baffles me beyond belief is why anyone would ever in a million years get a face tattoo. It may be that they are rebels and they worry that one day when they grow older they will be tempted to sell out and get a good job so they want to do something that absolutely assures that will never happen.
Also – and I don’t know if it’s politically correct to say this or not – but let’s face it: The vast majority of people with face tattoos are criminals, and, therefore it seems to me, they are the last people on the planet who should want face tattoos.
If you are a criminal robbing stores and committing other crimes, I would think the last thing you’d want is some huge, wildly prominent, easily identifiable mark plastered all over your face.
Consider the following conversation …
Cop: The man who robbed you, can you describe him to me?
Victim: Does it help if I tell you there is a giant tattoo of a purple tarantula covering his left cheek?
Cop: Actually, yes – that helps a lot. We’re done here. Thanks.
See what I mean?
- People who buy iPhones one week before new ones come out. Why in the world would anyone do that? It is almost sacrilegious. I remember a few years ago my father and stepmother went in to Verizon and both did this – bought brand new iPhones just days before new ones came out. It drove me nuts.
Why would you do that? For instance, there is a new iPhone coming out on Sept. 12 this year – so, do not buy your iPhone now! It’s crazy. Insane.
However, right at this moment, just a few days before the 12th, there are people in Verizon stores buying new iPhones. Huh? What??
In a week, those phones will be a year old. There’ll be a whole new set of phones to choose from. And the iPhone they just bought will be hundreds of dollars cheaper. Why would you do this? It makes no sense.
- Serial killer pairs who work together. I understand serial killers. They are nut jobs who have a desire to kill people and, since they’re also sociopaths with no sense of remorse, they just do what they want. That makes sense to me. I don’t condone it, but I understand it.
However, as long as I live, I’ll never, ever, understand these serial killers who work together in pairs. The other night CNN was showing a special on the 1970s and they had a segment on two drinking buddies who started killing people together. Every now and then I’ll read or hear a similar story like that and my mind starts racing toward the main question I have. The part I don’t understand is this: Let’s say you’re a serial killer, or want to be one, and you want someone to join you. How do you first bring that up in conversation? Does it go something like this? Maybe? I really don’t know …
Bill: Hey, Bob, this beer is really great; it really hits the spot.
Bob: Man, you’re not kidding.
Bill: Hey, you know what also hits the spot on a day like today? Grabbing some random woman from the street and killing her in some messed up way and leaving her body in a shallow grave.
Bob: What? What the [deleted] did you just say?
Bill: You know, I mean … it’s OK if you like doing that. You can admit it to me. You don’t have to act all shocked or pretend you don’t find it thrilling too.
Bob: That’s a [deleted]-up thing to say. I mean, that’s just sick.
Bob: [Breaks out laughing hysterically] Oh man, I really had you going there! Oh, you should see your face! You thought I was SERIOUS?? Oh man, what kind of psycho do you think I am? That’s really [deleted]-up that you thought I was serious … unless … unless, of course … you really do find it thrilling and your just pretending to be outraged. In which case you can tell me …
- People who don’t use their blinkers. These are by far the most incomprehensible people in the world to me. I will never ever understand them as long as I live. People, why will you not do that? Using your turn signal could save your life; it could save my life. It is courteous. It’s free to use.
It’s driving, not a poker game – so it’s OK to let people know your intentions.
You know how they say something is as easy as “the flick of a wrist,” well, this is literally as easy as a flick of a wrist.
And, oh yeah, not only is it a great idea – it’s the law.
So, I ask you, why, for the love of all that is holy, won’t you just use your blinker!?
